Red flags

In a relationship, there can be a lot of good things going on that cause you to be happy and relaxed, but this happiness can be short lived if you don’t pay attention to the warning signs that something is wrong. Many of us already know the warning signs, but some of us see them and ignore them. Those of you know know people like that, know that they make things harder.

If your partner stays up late at night because another friend is an ‘insomniac’, then you are looking at your first red flag. If the other person was truly happy to be in a relationship with you, then there would be nothing in the world to stop them from going to sleep beside you, especially a friend of the opposite gender. They would simply tell their friend “I’m sorry you can’t sleep, maybe you should talk to your doctor and see if there’s something they can do”.

If your partner suddenly develops an interest in their phone and text messages to a friend of the opposite gender, then you are looking at a red flag. No friend is more important than your significant other. Also, if your partner suddenly starts deleting their text messages between themselves and their friend, that’s another red flag. Relationships are supposed to be open, and if they can’t be honest and open with you over something as simple as text messages, then the relationship isn’t going to work out for long.

If your partner hates talking on the phone suddenly develops a need to call a friend of the opposite gender while you sleep, that’s another red flag.

If your partner slowly stops having sex with you, there’s another huge red flag.

If everything you do, say, or touch suddenly becomes horrible and you are constantly being put down for it, there’s another red flag. Relationships are meant to build people up, not tear them down for their mistakes.

If your partner lies to you about the nature of their conversation with any friend of the opposite gender, you’re looking at a red flag.

These red flags may seem like something that any observant person would be able to see waving, but sometimes the one committing these acts doesn’t see what they are doing as being wrong. They think that everything is A-okay and will continue doing the things that show their utter lack of respect and care for the person they are with.

If you see any of these red flags, don’t do what I did. Get out before you get so hurt that all you want to do is walk off a curb into rushing traffic.

Love, Sex, and Trust

There are many things that I can say about love that are either true, scientifically speaking that is, but that are also dependent upon my own experiences and not entirely true for someone else. That being said, here is my view point on Love, Sex, and Trust in relationships.

Love is a chemical imbalance of the brain that is supposed to ensure that you snag the one you want and are in a relationship with that person. It fades over time, but can be renewed with constant attempts to maintain the relationship. That’s the popular belief.

To me, yes love is a chemical reaction in the body. It’s not something mystical or magical like my parents would have wanted me to believe (not that I would have because I knew better by that time). However, it is only there to make sure you are committed to the relationship that you are entering. Love, like puppy love and crush love, is something beautiful because of it’s tenderness; however, it’s not the basis for a relationship.

Love takes a back seat to other things like ‘commitment’ and an attitude that you are going to work on not only yourself but the relationship as well in order for it to work out. There is no way in the world people can remain married for 50+ years and still feel that warm glow that first sparked the relationship. They are committed, and determined, that this relationship is going to be their one and only.

People take relationships for granted so often these days. They are so ready to just give up, move on to the next person that “makes them happy”. This causes a multitude of problems, one of the most common is divorce.

Now, I don’t want you to get me wrong, I’m divorced as well. However, it’s not because I couldn’t make the relationship work, it was because I was being abused badly and my children started becoming affected. If they hadn’t started being affected, I wouldn’t have cared how many women he was “just friends” with, nor would I have cared what he did to me in anger, I would have stayed there until the day I died.

But now, here comes the other aspect of a relationship. Trust. (No, I’m not going the order of the title because the title was just put together according to alphabetical order)

You can have a relationship without trust. It’s hard, but you can do it. IF for no other fact that you know that you can trust the person you’re with to be A. Unfaithful B. Unwilling to participate C. Distrustful of you or whatever your list of reasons may be. The love isn’t as strong, because both of you are more willing to break it off instead of work out your issues, but even if the other party refuses to care about you, it is possible to have a relationship.

Let me say this though; If your partner is acting in a manner not normal to their normal mode, there is seriously something wrong and you need to seek help.

For example, my fiance is ‘friends’ with his ex-girlfriend. Though I trust him when he says they are just friends, I find it hard to maintain that trust when he talks to her online while I’m asleep in a bedroom setting/erases texts messages between them/has been caught cuddling with her several times/been caught talking sexually to each other, and assures me that they are only friends. This is made doubly hard in the fact that when he and I got our lives situated, they BOTH sat side by side and TOLD me that they were only friends; When in fact they were dating and having sex with each other the entire time I was trying to make our second chance work out.

However, this time is supposed to be different than those other times. I’m supposed to trust that nothing is going on. (says the woman who could smoke an entire pack of cigarettes without thinking about it because she’s finding it harder and harder each day to maintain trust in her man)

He, on the other hand, can’t trust me to not lie in order to boost him in other’s opinions. He can’t trust me not to lie about little stuff that doesn’t matter (like what the children are doing when I’ve already handled the situation). He can’t trust me not to try to steal his phone and read the text messages. He can’t trust me to go to sleep so he can talk to this other woman without me reading over his shoulder.

Little things like that.

Which leads me to the last point. Sex in the relationship will have it’s ups and downs throughout the years. However, if you find that it has been more than a month since your partner has shown an interest in having sex with you, then they have some kind of problem and it needs to be resolved. (at least that’s true for me, if I’m not happy then I’m not wanting to have sex)

Well guys, that’s it for now. Hope you have had a wonderful holiday!

Restaurant/Bar Review

So, I’m not normally the one who goes out and hangs out at bars or goes out to eat at different restaurants, but when I find a good place, I like to tell people about it. I have only been to a handful of bars in the nearly 30+ years I’ve been around, but I have to say that by far the best one I have ever been to has been Brad’s Place located on the corner of Elliot/48th St in Ahwatukee Arizona.

What makes Brad’s Place unique is simple, it’s like home. You go there, you have a good time and you get to meet new people or just have fun with the people you already know. Even though it’s a bar, it’s family friendly. As a mom myself, this is a huge bonus when looking for places to go out with the family. Brad makes sure that everything is clean, wholesome and fun for all ages.

Another thing that’s awesome about this place is the fact that there is live entertainment. You will get singers, and musicians who perform for you and even take requests, make jokes, and generally help you have a good time. Of course, there is also a television on nearly every wall tuned into a game that you can watch at any given moment, but if the sports channel is something you’re not into, you can request that a television be turned to another station and the bartender, or even Brad himself, will hand over a remote and tell you to go and change it to whatever you want.

The food, oh man don’t get me started on the food! Every Friday they have a fish fry, and as a girl from a coastal town, fish is something I know something about. I went one Friday with my in-law’s and we all got different dishes for each of us to try. My father-in-law got the trout, my mother-in-law got wings, and I got a cheeseburger (I wasn’t really hungry and knew I could take the rest home with me and eat it later).

First off, it takes a lot of talent to cook trout and have it taste good. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking trout is an easy fish to cook, because it’s not. That chef (and yes, I will call the cook at Brad’s Place a chef because only a chef can cook food this amazing) made a masterpiece out of the fish. It was golden, fluffy, moist, flavor-full, it was heaven in my mouth. It tasted so good that despite my best efforts my father-in-law only allowed me one taste (I wound up considering another order of the fish to eat and just take the burger home, but decided against it because of my hunger not being large enough to be able to finish the very generous portions that are given at Brad’s Place).

Next I tried a few wings, and those too were delicious. The meat was cooked perfectly, the seasonings were Brad’s own creations that are made in house and served according to order. Everything was out of this world. But, my mother-in-law also refused to allow me to eat too many of her wings because she claimed “If you eat them all, you won’t want to try your own burger that you custom-ordered.”

Yes folks, you heard it right. You can custom order your burger and they will bring it out to you just the way you want it. And if it’s unique enough, you may find Brad ordering one right along side you to try it out for himself. Mine wasn’t that unique, I just asked for them to add their signature chili on the burger, which was something the waitress we had claimed that no one else had ever tried to do before.

My burger came out beautiful. There was the thick burger patty with lettuce, onions, tomato, ketchup, and a pickle on the side and the chili was just smothering the entire thing under the top bun. Several other people watched, and the waitress even said that she was going to order one when she went on break because it looked just that good (we left before she went on break, so I don’t know if she actually did or not).

Words cannot describe the taste of that burger. However, I can say that despite the fact that I was not really hungry when I first ordered, and that the hunger I had had only been sated with the tastes I had of my in-law’s food, I wound up eating the entire burger and leaving none left to take home.

The good thing about Brad’s Place is that it is in an ideal location. There is a major grocery store to one side (Safeway) and on the other side is the hair salon. Now, you wouldn’t think that these stores would do anything for the bar itself, but they do. For example, the stylists will visit Brad’s Place on their break, and sometimes give free hair tips to those that are regulars or just visiting. And come on, how many of us would pass up a place to eat after getting some essentials when there is an outside patio and you are watching all this delicious food being eaten? Not many that’s for sure.

Of course, happy hour ends at 1:00 a.m. and Brad is nearly always there, mixing stuff up, trying out new things, and letting his guests try his new concoctions to see how it will be taken if he was to put it on the menu. He’s very outgoing, always meeting the new people and talking with the regulars, and a generally all around great guy. So, if you are in the area, and you are looking for a great place to hang out, relax, and eat some great food from some great people, I suggest you head on over to Brad’s Place and get to know the wonderful people there.