Writing: Not for the faint of heart

If you are thinking about becoming a writer, please read this article first!

Becoming a writer is not as easy as people make it seem. There are a lot of sweat, blood and tears that goes into it. There are a lot of hard hours, hours spent where you aren’t writing at all, and times when you just want to throw in the towel and do something else. It’s not easy, at all.

If you have children you have to be prepared to tell them “This is my work time, I can’t play with you right now”. Hire a nanny, or someone you trust, to take care of them if they aren’t in school so that you can actually work a 8-hour shift. You have to stand firm, telling others that you need the computer to work (and actually work!)

There are a lot of good writing sites out there, Contently is one (didn’t work for me, but it has worked for a lot of my friends). Textbroker is another, and Zery’s is yet another (www.textbroker.com and http://www.zerys.com). With Textbroker, I can’t say this enough, you have to advance through a complicated series of testing done on your writing, and with so many other writers out there submitting their articles as well as you, most of the time Textbroker will just give out a 3-star rating en mass instead of doing what they are supposed to (this has happened to me twice now and I’m still stuck at 3-stars even though I’ve been working there for a year now).

Be prepared for disparaging remarks. I’ve gotten “She lives off well-fare” and “You know she must be lazy, it doesn’t take much talent to write. I do it all the time!” If you have children you will get those who believe you are neglecting your children. I can’t tell you how many times members of my own family have called Child Protective Services on me because they thought I wasn’t taking care of my children properly (it was a combination of being a writer and a Witch, and I think it was more me being a witch than anything else….).

Set up a schedule, and keep it! For me, I work from the moment my feet hit the floor in the morning until I can’t work anymore at night. When there aren’t any articles that can be done (either because there aren’t any orders for any or because there are articles that I feel are beyond my knowledge and capability to research) I do other things. Currently I have my own Etsy shop where I’m selling some of the things I’ve made during my off times. Or, I’m trying to either find an agent to represent me so that I can get my book published, or a publishing firm that isn’t a self-publish gimmick (yes I’m aware that a lot of good authors have gotten their start from self-publishing, but I don’t have that kind of money, I barely made $400 last year).

Learn how to balance things. I don’t have the luxury of having people I can trust to take care of my kids so that I can work, so I balance my work time with strategic break periods so that I can clean the house and take care of the kids.

And finally, when you start down this road, realize that you aren’t the only writer out there looking for a payday. There are others out there that are only writing because they feel like writing is an easy paycheck, and they will bulldoze you. This goes for clients as well. Always be willing to do a re-write, and make sure the client knows that if they aren’t happy with the article you are willing to re-write it for them. Never let a client have the ability to flat-out reject your hard work, not unless you have tried diligently to make sure that the article is the way they want it (that is one of the reasons I absolutely love Zery’s, if you write an article and it’s the way the client wanted it, you can refute their rejection and win because Zery’s moderators will read the order specifications, review the messages between you and the client, and then review the article. If everything is the way it’s supposed to be, they make the client pay you for your work).


Getting Published

Getting published is one of the most difficult things for a writer to do, especially when they work freelance and want to branch out. Sure, they could save up their money, agree to only take high-paying articles, and get published using one of the thousands of self-publishing Publishing houses out there, but that takes a lot of leg work for someone who would rather be working on their writing than looking for ways to just make money. To me, when you have to focus on just getting published and you aren’t working on your chosen career path (being a writer) then writing becomes a JOB, not a JOY.

For me, the word “job” doesn’t mean what everyone else thinks it means (a source of employment in which an individual works a particular field for pay). To me, a “job” means “Just Over Broke”. Because that’s what you are, just over broke making enough money to pay your bills and that’s it. The joy of doing something, because it’s something you WANT to do is gone as you work day in and day out doing mediocre work for even less pay. This is why many freelance writers dream about one day becoming someone of importance, like the famous Authors we know and love today.

However, like I’ve said before I’ll say again, it is nearly impossible to get into a traditional publishing firm without the right connections. Also known as: having an agent.

Finding an agent is an equally difficult, if not nearly impossible, option for writers. You have to send out Query letters/emails to a variety of different agents. Each letter has it’s own different format, depending on which agency you are looking at, and has to be done just right or else you are shoved out the door without any help from the company. Not even a “Try this agency to see if maybe they will accept you” message.

So, what does a writer do when faced with these daunting scenarios? Give up? Nah, that’s not our way to do things. We never give up, even through writer’s block and family or friends telling us to just leave it alone because writing will never pan out for us.

Well, that’s when good, old-fashioned leg work comes into the play.

I have found, through Facebook of all places, one publishing firm that is currently accepting Queries from both agents and authors. Of course, if your work isn’t of the genre they are currently publishing, you shouldn’t send in a Query.

Dark Fantasy Press, http://www.darkfantasypress.com/, is a small but promising publishing firm that is currently accepting Query letters in both electronic and printed versions for authors and agents. While their genre is focused on the dark side of life, unlike some publishing firms, they don’t seem to cater to just one type of person. (I have seen publishing firms that won’t accept your Query if you aren’t a specific race or gender, it’s ridiculous, but it does happen)

Everyone has a dark, hidden place in their minds and souls. Everyone wants to read about something dark and horrifying while they are safely tucked away in their beds or on their sofa’s. And Dark Fantasy Press caters to those hidden desires and wants.

So, if you are a writer who has a few manuscripts that are dark in nature, why not visit the site for Dark Fantasy Press and submit a Query. Who knows, you might just turn out to be the next Stephen King.

Red flags

In a relationship, there can be a lot of good things going on that cause you to be happy and relaxed, but this happiness can be short lived if you don’t pay attention to the warning signs that something is wrong. Many of us already know the warning signs, but some of us see them and ignore them. Those of you know know people like that, know that they make things harder.

If your partner stays up late at night because another friend is an ‘insomniac’, then you are looking at your first red flag. If the other person was truly happy to be in a relationship with you, then there would be nothing in the world to stop them from going to sleep beside you, especially a friend of the opposite gender. They would simply tell their friend “I’m sorry you can’t sleep, maybe you should talk to your doctor and see if there’s something they can do”.

If your partner suddenly develops an interest in their phone and text messages to a friend of the opposite gender, then you are looking at a red flag. No friend is more important than your significant other. Also, if your partner suddenly starts deleting their text messages between themselves and their friend, that’s another red flag. Relationships are supposed to be open, and if they can’t be honest and open with you over something as simple as text messages, then the relationship isn’t going to work out for long.

If your partner hates talking on the phone suddenly develops a need to call a friend of the opposite gender while you sleep, that’s another red flag.

If your partner slowly stops having sex with you, there’s another huge red flag.

If everything you do, say, or touch suddenly becomes horrible and you are constantly being put down for it, there’s another red flag. Relationships are meant to build people up, not tear them down for their mistakes.

If your partner lies to you about the nature of their conversation with any friend of the opposite gender, you’re looking at a red flag.

These red flags may seem like something that any observant person would be able to see waving, but sometimes the one committing these acts doesn’t see what they are doing as being wrong. They think that everything is A-okay and will continue doing the things that show their utter lack of respect and care for the person they are with.

If you see any of these red flags, don’t do what I did. Get out before you get so hurt that all you want to do is walk off a curb into rushing traffic.

Love, Sex, and Trust

There are many things that I can say about love that are either true, scientifically speaking that is, but that are also dependent upon my own experiences and not entirely true for someone else. That being said, here is my view point on Love, Sex, and Trust in relationships.

Love is a chemical imbalance of the brain that is supposed to ensure that you snag the one you want and are in a relationship with that person. It fades over time, but can be renewed with constant attempts to maintain the relationship. That’s the popular belief.

To me, yes love is a chemical reaction in the body. It’s not something mystical or magical like my parents would have wanted me to believe (not that I would have because I knew better by that time). However, it is only there to make sure you are committed to the relationship that you are entering. Love, like puppy love and crush love, is something beautiful because of it’s tenderness; however, it’s not the basis for a relationship.

Love takes a back seat to other things like ‘commitment’ and an attitude that you are going to work on not only yourself but the relationship as well in order for it to work out. There is no way in the world people can remain married for 50+ years and still feel that warm glow that first sparked the relationship. They are committed, and determined, that this relationship is going to be their one and only.

People take relationships for granted so often these days. They are so ready to just give up, move on to the next person that “makes them happy”. This causes a multitude of problems, one of the most common is divorce.

Now, I don’t want you to get me wrong, I’m divorced as well. However, it’s not because I couldn’t make the relationship work, it was because I was being abused badly and my children started becoming affected. If they hadn’t started being affected, I wouldn’t have cared how many women he was “just friends” with, nor would I have cared what he did to me in anger, I would have stayed there until the day I died.

But now, here comes the other aspect of a relationship. Trust. (No, I’m not going the order of the title because the title was just put together according to alphabetical order)

You can have a relationship without trust. It’s hard, but you can do it. IF for no other fact that you know that you can trust the person you’re with to be A. Unfaithful B. Unwilling to participate C. Distrustful of you or whatever your list of reasons may be. The love isn’t as strong, because both of you are more willing to break it off instead of work out your issues, but even if the other party refuses to care about you, it is possible to have a relationship.

Let me say this though; If your partner is acting in a manner not normal to their normal mode, there is seriously something wrong and you need to seek help.

For example, my fiance is ‘friends’ with his ex-girlfriend. Though I trust him when he says they are just friends, I find it hard to maintain that trust when he talks to her online while I’m asleep in a bedroom setting/erases texts messages between them/has been caught cuddling with her several times/been caught talking sexually to each other, and assures me that they are only friends. This is made doubly hard in the fact that when he and I got our lives situated, they BOTH sat side by side and TOLD me that they were only friends; When in fact they were dating and having sex with each other the entire time I was trying to make our second chance work out.

However, this time is supposed to be different than those other times. I’m supposed to trust that nothing is going on. (says the woman who could smoke an entire pack of cigarettes without thinking about it because she’s finding it harder and harder each day to maintain trust in her man)

He, on the other hand, can’t trust me to not lie in order to boost him in other’s opinions. He can’t trust me not to lie about little stuff that doesn’t matter (like what the children are doing when I’ve already handled the situation). He can’t trust me not to try to steal his phone and read the text messages. He can’t trust me to go to sleep so he can talk to this other woman without me reading over his shoulder.

Little things like that.

Which leads me to the last point. Sex in the relationship will have it’s ups and downs throughout the years. However, if you find that it has been more than a month since your partner has shown an interest in having sex with you, then they have some kind of problem and it needs to be resolved. (at least that’s true for me, if I’m not happy then I’m not wanting to have sex)

Well guys, that’s it for now. Hope you have had a wonderful holiday!

Restaurant/Bar Review

So, I’m not normally the one who goes out and hangs out at bars or goes out to eat at different restaurants, but when I find a good place, I like to tell people about it. I have only been to a handful of bars in the nearly 30+ years I’ve been around, but I have to say that by far the best one I have ever been to has been Brad’s Place located on the corner of Elliot/48th St in Ahwatukee Arizona.

What makes Brad’s Place unique is simple, it’s like home. You go there, you have a good time and you get to meet new people or just have fun with the people you already know. Even though it’s a bar, it’s family friendly. As a mom myself, this is a huge bonus when looking for places to go out with the family. Brad makes sure that everything is clean, wholesome and fun for all ages.

Another thing that’s awesome about this place is the fact that there is live entertainment. You will get singers, and musicians who perform for you and even take requests, make jokes, and generally help you have a good time. Of course, there is also a television on nearly every wall tuned into a game that you can watch at any given moment, but if the sports channel is something you’re not into, you can request that a television be turned to another station and the bartender, or even Brad himself, will hand over a remote and tell you to go and change it to whatever you want.

The food, oh man don’t get me started on the food! Every Friday they have a fish fry, and as a girl from a coastal town, fish is something I know something about. I went one Friday with my in-law’s and we all got different dishes for each of us to try. My father-in-law got the trout, my mother-in-law got wings, and I got a cheeseburger (I wasn’t really hungry and knew I could take the rest home with me and eat it later).

First off, it takes a lot of talent to cook trout and have it taste good. Don’t let anyone fool you into thinking trout is an easy fish to cook, because it’s not. That chef (and yes, I will call the cook at Brad’s Place a chef because only a chef can cook food this amazing) made a masterpiece out of the fish. It was golden, fluffy, moist, flavor-full, it was heaven in my mouth. It tasted so good that despite my best efforts my father-in-law only allowed me one taste (I wound up considering another order of the fish to eat and just take the burger home, but decided against it because of my hunger not being large enough to be able to finish the very generous portions that are given at Brad’s Place).

Next I tried a few wings, and those too were delicious. The meat was cooked perfectly, the seasonings were Brad’s own creations that are made in house and served according to order. Everything was out of this world. But, my mother-in-law also refused to allow me to eat too many of her wings because she claimed “If you eat them all, you won’t want to try your own burger that you custom-ordered.”

Yes folks, you heard it right. You can custom order your burger and they will bring it out to you just the way you want it. And if it’s unique enough, you may find Brad ordering one right along side you to try it out for himself. Mine wasn’t that unique, I just asked for them to add their signature chili on the burger, which was something the waitress we had claimed that no one else had ever tried to do before.

My burger came out beautiful. There was the thick burger patty with lettuce, onions, tomato, ketchup, and a pickle on the side and the chili was just smothering the entire thing under the top bun. Several other people watched, and the waitress even said that she was going to order one when she went on break because it looked just that good (we left before she went on break, so I don’t know if she actually did or not).

Words cannot describe the taste of that burger. However, I can say that despite the fact that I was not really hungry when I first ordered, and that the hunger I had had only been sated with the tastes I had of my in-law’s food, I wound up eating the entire burger and leaving none left to take home.

The good thing about Brad’s Place is that it is in an ideal location. There is a major grocery store to one side (Safeway) and on the other side is the hair salon. Now, you wouldn’t think that these stores would do anything for the bar itself, but they do. For example, the stylists will visit Brad’s Place on their break, and sometimes give free hair tips to those that are regulars or just visiting. And come on, how many of us would pass up a place to eat after getting some essentials when there is an outside patio and you are watching all this delicious food being eaten? Not many that’s for sure.

Of course, happy hour ends at 1:00 a.m. and Brad is nearly always there, mixing stuff up, trying out new things, and letting his guests try his new concoctions to see how it will be taken if he was to put it on the menu. He’s very outgoing, always meeting the new people and talking with the regulars, and a generally all around great guy. So, if you are in the area, and you are looking for a great place to hang out, relax, and eat some great food from some great people, I suggest you head on over to Brad’s Place and get to know the wonderful people there.

Mercury Retrograde Sucks

So, I’m hoping that this is just because of the retrograde still being in effect. I’m praying that this isn’t a permanent thing. But I fear that it might just be the end for me and my life as I know it.

Many of you know that I’ve been on the fence about what to do with my fiance and his “friend”. Well, I decided to be adult about the whole matter and let him reach a decision on his own, praying that he will make the right one. I did nothing to sway his opinion one way or the other, I didn’t force him to choose her or me, I just let him stew over the facts of what was going on and prayed that he would be adult about the whole thing and just let her go.

Many of my friends told me that he wouldn’t, that he was still in love with her and would always be in love with her. I knew that already, but I prayed regardless that he would value me as a person since I was physically in his life while she was nothing more than a bunch of pixels.

I was wrong.

He woke me up just a little while ago to let me know that he has forgiven her and has decided to still be her “friend”. Which means, he’s still going to talk to her, he’s still going to cuddle with her, he’s still going to be affectionate with her, they are still going to talk about anything they want including but not limited to sexual desires, sexual wants, and sexual needs. He is still going to go to her to complain about whatever he feels I’ve done wrong. He’s still going to …. I can’t continue.

It hurts too much to keep going on, so let’s just say he woke me up to let me know that I’m not as good as an image on the computer screen. My love isn’t enough because it’s not fraught with lies and deceit. I never betrayed him, nor did I ever do anything to anyone he was with while we were broken up, betray his trust, or do anything to hurt him or the people that he cared about.

Because of that, I’m not good enough to protect. I have no rights to privacy, no right to be respected. Nothing.

I should have seen the writing on the wall when he said to me “I don’t know if I’ll even marry you” and “If I wasn’t with you, she and I would be fucking right now instead of just cuddling”. I should have SEEN it! But I prayed that he was just being flippant.

He chose her over me.

He stopped loving me, wanting the best for me, because I was too real in his world.


You know, it always surprises me the extent people will go just to feel the fleeting moment of bliss in relationships. For example, my fiance had a relationship with this woman, for those of you who have read my previous blogs, you know what woman I mean. The relationship lasted for nearly 6 months, but it rapidly deteriorated through the actions of them both, not just one individual. He progressed it by hounding her relentlessly about her commitment and fidelity, she by dodging his inquiries and putting up a facade that allowed him to believe her, even though his guy instinct told him she was lying. The truth finally came out when she messed up royally and I won a coin toss (what a romantic way to decide on whether or not you are going to be in a relationship with someone, right?)

To be honest, I’m grateful that I won the coin toss. It allowed me to know the real him, he used a fake name and background with us both in order to keep his real life hidden and safe, and it gave me something to hold on to when I was being attacked by my blood family for differences in religious beliefs. In fact, if it hadn’t been for this relationship progressing the way it had, I have no doubt that my children will now, at this moment, be in the custody of their negligent and abusive biological father and I would either be 6 feet buried in my grandparent’s back yard or my body simply being lost and unable to be found. So, in essence, he saved me from death.

But did he really?

I mean, look at the current situation I’m in now. He’s still talking to his ex, well, not talking at the moment but she’s always on his mind, and my feelings about the situation are having to be shoved to the side because, as he puts it, “It’s not your business.”

I went through dramatic changes, for me at least, in order to better myself for him. I became more open about expressing myself, even though there are times when I am not very good at it and tend to make things worse when I try. But at least I’m trying. Nine times out of ten I’ll go to him with a problem that I need help with, the one time I don’t go to him is when I have a problem with him and that’s because in the 10 months we’ve been physically in the same house I’ve learned that coming to him when I have an issue with something he’s done will do nothing to rectify the situation. In fact, I’m more likely to be told “This is who I am, deal with it” than “I’m sorry that bothers you, I’ll work on changing it so that you won’t be hurt anymore.”

To some, to many, this may seem like an extremely toxic and abusive relationship, but to me, it’s nothing more than what I deserve. After all, to him and his friend, I’m the other woman. I’m the interloper. The one who can’t be trusted. If it wasn’t true, then I would have been the one he took room hoping when we chatted online, I would be the one he comes to with his problems. I would not be the only one who is changing for the other person. To him, she treats him as if he’s perfect the way he is. He can trust her. She doesn’t want him to be different. She’s calm while I’m not.

However, she’s also a bit of a wild card. She doesn’t have kids, refuses to even consider having kids. I have three. Raising kids isn’t the easiest thing in the world, even when they are your own children and you are having to raise them by yourself. He’s learned a great deal about child rearing, and is, in my opinion, a wonderful and loving father. He’s a man I would be proud to see my son emulate and my daughters find for themselves when they get older. But only if they find men that are like the way he is around them, not the way he is around me.

To put it shortly, he frightens me. Frustrates me. Angers me. And even causes me to doubt my self-worth.

The frightens me part comes from his temper. He has an awful temper. He will be playing a game, and if he starts loosing, or someone messes up and the game can’t be salvaged, he goes into a temper that reminds me of a 2 year old. He curses, throws things, and gets short with me if I do the smallest thing in the world that offends him. This is a side I don’t want our children to see, so I have started taking the blame if one of them messes up. Lying for them so that when he’s angry he won’t lash out at them. They mess up often enough, and yes I allow him to correct them, and no I don’t agree with some of the correcting he administers. Which is why I try to protect my children from his wrath, because I don’t want them to see him as some huge adult who is always angry at them, always punishing them, a person to be feared. I want them to see him as they have always seen him, loving, kind, carefree, playful.

He frustrates me a lot of the time. Mostly because he refuses to listen to what I have to say about certain matters, especially matters concerning his friend. I feel like she has him in her net, drawing him in because she knows he still loves her, or is in fact still in love with her and is only with me because I’m safe while he knows she will drop him like a bad penny or do something so horrible that he has to walk away from her for a while. In this, I still feel as if I’m the other woman. The weekend wife as it were. I don’t have his respect. I may have an aspect of his love, but I don’t have it fully. I know that if I had his full love, then he would remember the pain and anguish this woman has put me through and decide “enough is enough” and do away with her forever. But he won’t. He doesn’t want to hurt her. So, to me, it feels as if he’s willing to allow me to have pain and suffering if it spares her.

Another way he frustrates me is the fact that he gives up easily. He complains, not often, but sometimes, about not having a job and no work experience. Well, there are many places that hire people with no work experience. For example, McDonald’s, Cracker Barrel, Taco Bell. Yes, these are fast food places, but they are a start. Work there for about 6 months, Cracker Barrel especially, and you will have enough experience to qualify for a different job with a different company. But when I suggest, or someone else suggests, that he put in an application there, he might put it in. And then, he used to at least, go and complain to his friend about how he doesn’t have a job and doesn’t have any money.

He angers me, oh my Goddess does he anger me. There are times when I just want to strangle him, or hit him upside his head, because he’s made some foolish remark or done something hard headed. Like the situation with his friend. I told him countless numbers of times that she was using whatever information he gave her and twisting it to turn against me. When asked how she could possibly do that, I would give him examples. And sure enough, she did what I said she was going to do, and still he forgave her, continued talking to her. It wasn’t until just recently, when he asked her why she betrayed him the way she had, that he realized that she had been selfish this entire time. She didn’t care about his feelings or how her actions would affect him and me. All she cared about was proving to her new Boyfriend how much she cared for him. Yet, if I go by the way he’s talking currently, he’s going to take all the blame for the situation and forgive her. His unwillingness to work to change his current situation, employment and income etc, angers me. Here I am, working nearly all the time, developing plot lines for my book, testing out sentence structures and phrases to use. I work on articles that are up on order boards so that I can get a little spending cash to go towards toilet paper, soap and other things we need around the house. Yet he does nothing but complain about how we don’t have any money.

He causes me to doubt my self-worth. This is a biggie with me, especially since he was the one who insisted that I realize that I’m not worthless. He would tell me all the time “Quit saying that, if you were worthless then I wouldn’t love you, and I do love you”. It would make me feel special, cherished. But now, my intelligence is less than that of a 2 year old, I can’t be trusted to tell the truth, and I feel like I’m back at square one in the relationship. All the work I tried to do over the past 2 years to over come my own self-destruction is worthless.

And here’s my favorite new thing he’s been doing. Telling me that I’m acting like a victim. Saying that I’m only talking negatively about myself in order to get pity. That’s bullshit! To me, that just shows just how little he actually knows about me. Or at least, how little he’s been paying attention to me. If he knew anything about me, he would know that if I speak negatively about myself, it’s because, in my eyes, my ego is getting too big. To me, if I speak negatively about myself, it’s to remind myself that I’m not the best thing since sliced bread and that there are others out there who are better than I am. He gets angry when I repeat the harsh insults he has said to me in anger back to him. He says he’s going to try to change so that he won’t lash out at me, but isn’t that what he’s doing anyways?

I didn’t ever tell him he had to choose between me and his friend.  Not once did I harp on the bad things she had done in the past. Yes, I acted depressed, which to me is normal when I find out that the man I love isn’t happy enough with me to stick to his guns and never contact someone who has betrayed him. He accused me of cheating so often, that I knew that there would be no point in continuing the denying of it, nothing I could do to prove my innocence, that I admitted that I had cheated so that he would feel justified. This action was later corrected and now he feels horrible to have falsely accused me. But he caught her cheating on him. He had proof that she was unfaithful. And even if he did forgive her for that, and sought to be friends with her once more, he had proof that she acted in a less than friend like manner towards him. She betrayed him! Nearly caused us to break up, again!

And yet, he’s going to forgive her.

So, now I’m at my own crossroads. He knows that if he decides to forgive her and continue having a relationship with her, he is jeopardizing his relationship with me. In fact, he knows that I will see his actions as proof that he doesn’t care for me and is choosing her over myself and our children. He already knows that I have a support system now that won’t let me fall, and he knows that should he do something stupid and loose me and the kids, his family won’t support him. He will have to sink or swim on his own, without a safety net.

But how can I trust him to do as he says? For the past 4 months he’s hidden that he’s been in communications with her. It’s only through happenstance that I’ve discovered it at all and have been able to confront him and get the truth. He deletes text messages, waits until I’m asleep to bring up the chat rooms they participate in (for those who are curious, they use IMVU from http://www.imvu.com for chatting) and never talks about their conversations. I’m not important enough in his world to be brought into this aspect of his life. He doesn’t trust me enough to give me every aspect of his life, like I’ve given to him. He can say he trusts me all he wants to, but when he sits there and tells me “I don’t feel comfortable with you being around while I’m talking to Selene”, he’s telling me that even though he knows that he’s wrong in talking to her about things he wouldn’t talk to me about, I’m just not important enough to him for him to care.

So, do I go left and terminate the relationship now before I continue getting hurt?

Or do I turn right and continue trusting him, waiting patiently as I have always done, for him to realize what I’ve been saying this entire time is true?