Red flags

In a relationship, there can be a lot of good things going on that cause you to be happy and relaxed, but this happiness can be short lived if you don’t pay attention to the warning signs that something is wrong. Many of us already know the warning signs, but some of us see them and ignore them. Those of you know know people like that, know that they make things harder.

If your partner stays up late at night because another friend is an ‘insomniac’, then you are looking at your first red flag. If the other person was truly happy to be in a relationship with you, then there would be nothing in the world to stop them from going to sleep beside you, especially a friend of the opposite gender. They would simply tell their friend “I’m sorry you can’t sleep, maybe you should talk to your doctor and see if there’s something they can do”.

If your partner suddenly develops an interest in their phone and text messages to a friend of the opposite gender, then you are looking at a red flag. No friend is more important than your significant other. Also, if your partner suddenly starts deleting their text messages between themselves and their friend, that’s another red flag. Relationships are supposed to be open, and if they can’t be honest and open with you over something as simple as text messages, then the relationship isn’t going to work out for long.

If your partner hates talking on the phone suddenly develops a need to call a friend of the opposite gender while you sleep, that’s another red flag.

If your partner slowly stops having sex with you, there’s another huge red flag.

If everything you do, say, or touch suddenly becomes horrible and you are constantly being put down for it, there’s another red flag. Relationships are meant to build people up, not tear them down for their mistakes.

If your partner lies to you about the nature of their conversation with any friend of the opposite gender, you’re looking at a red flag.

These red flags may seem like something that any observant person would be able to see waving, but sometimes the one committing these acts doesn’t see what they are doing as being wrong. They think that everything is A-okay and will continue doing the things that show their utter lack of respect and care for the person they are with.

If you see any of these red flags, don’t do what I did. Get out before you get so hurt that all you want to do is walk off a curb into rushing traffic.


Love, Sex, and Trust

There are many things that I can say about love that are either true, scientifically speaking that is, but that are also dependent upon my own experiences and not entirely true for someone else. That being said, here is my view point on Love, Sex, and Trust in relationships.

Love is a chemical imbalance of the brain that is supposed to ensure that you snag the one you want and are in a relationship with that person. It fades over time, but can be renewed with constant attempts to maintain the relationship. That’s the popular belief.

To me, yes love is a chemical reaction in the body. It’s not something mystical or magical like my parents would have wanted me to believe (not that I would have because I knew better by that time). However, it is only there to make sure you are committed to the relationship that you are entering. Love, like puppy love and crush love, is something beautiful because of it’s tenderness; however, it’s not the basis for a relationship.

Love takes a back seat to other things like ‘commitment’ and an attitude that you are going to work on not only yourself but the relationship as well in order for it to work out. There is no way in the world people can remain married for 50+ years and still feel that warm glow that first sparked the relationship. They are committed, and determined, that this relationship is going to be their one and only.

People take relationships for granted so often these days. They are so ready to just give up, move on to the next person that “makes them happy”. This causes a multitude of problems, one of the most common is divorce.

Now, I don’t want you to get me wrong, I’m divorced as well. However, it’s not because I couldn’t make the relationship work, it was because I was being abused badly and my children started becoming affected. If they hadn’t started being affected, I wouldn’t have cared how many women he was “just friends” with, nor would I have cared what he did to me in anger, I would have stayed there until the day I died.

But now, here comes the other aspect of a relationship. Trust. (No, I’m not going the order of the title because the title was just put together according to alphabetical order)

You can have a relationship without trust. It’s hard, but you can do it. IF for no other fact that you know that you can trust the person you’re with to be A. Unfaithful B. Unwilling to participate C. Distrustful of you or whatever your list of reasons may be. The love isn’t as strong, because both of you are more willing to break it off instead of work out your issues, but even if the other party refuses to care about you, it is possible to have a relationship.

Let me say this though; If your partner is acting in a manner not normal to their normal mode, there is seriously something wrong and you need to seek help.

For example, my fiance is ‘friends’ with his ex-girlfriend. Though I trust him when he says they are just friends, I find it hard to maintain that trust when he talks to her online while I’m asleep in a bedroom setting/erases texts messages between them/has been caught cuddling with her several times/been caught talking sexually to each other, and assures me that they are only friends. This is made doubly hard in the fact that when he and I got our lives situated, they BOTH sat side by side and TOLD me that they were only friends; When in fact they were dating and having sex with each other the entire time I was trying to make our second chance work out.

However, this time is supposed to be different than those other times. I’m supposed to trust that nothing is going on. (says the woman who could smoke an entire pack of cigarettes without thinking about it because she’s finding it harder and harder each day to maintain trust in her man)

He, on the other hand, can’t trust me to not lie in order to boost him in other’s opinions. He can’t trust me not to lie about little stuff that doesn’t matter (like what the children are doing when I’ve already handled the situation). He can’t trust me not to try to steal his phone and read the text messages. He can’t trust me to go to sleep so he can talk to this other woman without me reading over his shoulder.

Little things like that.

Which leads me to the last point. Sex in the relationship will have it’s ups and downs throughout the years. However, if you find that it has been more than a month since your partner has shown an interest in having sex with you, then they have some kind of problem and it needs to be resolved. (at least that’s true for me, if I’m not happy then I’m not wanting to have sex)

Well guys, that’s it for now. Hope you have had a wonderful holiday!