Relationships: How to maintain yours

What can a divorced woman say about relationships that not only makes sense, but isn’t a complete waste of your time? Well, quite a bit actually. Being divorced, unless you are my parents, doesn’t mean that you failed in your marriage, it just means that the relationship didn’t work out, analyze it, see your mistakes, not just the other person’s mistakes, and learn from there. Personally, I give myself, and other adults around me, three chances to get something right. Unless they have a mental handicap that prevents them from connecting the dots mentally, that’s all they get. Mess up after those three chances and you’re done.

With relationships though, you can’t be that way. You have to learn to forgive, and forgive, and forgive because most of the time, people make these stupid little mistakes and they aren’t aware of how it affects other people. Without communication, OPEN communication, there can be a lot of misunderstandings and hurt individuals.

For example, my fiance is a self-absorbed man, While he loves me and the children, for the most part all he thinks about is what can be done to make himself happy. He plays video games, serfs Reddit or YouTube, and pretty much vegges out in front of a screen. He doesn’t get out much, in fact he hates going outside, hates cleaning, hates cooking, and does very little all day. He is depressed about being overweight, unemployed, and poor.

He has this “friend”, they used to date. She wanted to be friends again after they broke up. She has a boyfriend. Boyfriend controls her absolutely, mostly because she placed herself in the BDSM world and is allowing him to control her. Her personality is that of a leader, she baulks at orders and demands, but she too is self-absorbed. So much so that she cares about nothing but herself. She doesn’t want to have kids, she wants multiple partners in her relationships, and if she stabs someone in the back, she thinks “Oh well, there are plenty of more people out there.”

She did some really horrible things to my fiance, really horrible. And they focused around me. When he and I first started a relationship together, she agreed and supported his doubts concerning my fidelity, encouraged him to believe that I was lying to him, and generally aided in the first initial breakup between him and I (we haven’t had any more since that once, but since it was the first, I feel I should specify.). Because of her, when we got over our mutually hurt feelings and decided to at least try talking again, I became very paranoid. I would refuse to talk with anyone who was male, pushed any male friends away from myself, and if I chatted with anyone online, I saved the chat logs so that if I was accused of cheating once more, I had proof this time around that I wasn’t cheating.

If I did talk to a male, I limited it what could be said in the shortest amount of words as possible, and it tore me up. Some of my male friends were my intellectual equals, and they didn’t downplay my ideas. They listened to what I had to say, was patient if I repeated myself (which is something I do a lot when I’m thinking things out) and generally aided me to be a better person. But, to quell any gossip, I turned away from my friends. Everything I did was open.

However, my fiance and his “friend” got into it again, and once more I was dragged into it. You see, he never asked me how I felt about her specifically. Oh, he knows I don’t like her, but he doesn’t know the reasons why. Even though I’ve told him repeatedly, and I even listed them out for him, the words I said were like hummingbirds flitting around his head. They didn’t stick.

I used to live with people like her, people who gather whatever information they could, twist it around so that no one could tell what was the truth and what was a lie, and then use it to hurt those that they don’t like. I was around those people so often, that I started acting that way as well. I got really good at it, not that I’m proud of that fact. So when I say I know how her mind works, I really do know how her mind works. I’ve seen enough evidence over the years of dealing with her to say that I can even predict what she is doing at any given moment of time.

He thought, when they became friends again, that things could go back to the way they were. He could confide in her the things that he felt would be too much for me to handle and he would get his “friend” back and keep his wife (me). But things blew up in a big way. I FREAKED when I found out they were talking again. All I could think was, “Oh my Gods Amanda, what did you do to fuck up this time? What did you fail at that made him want to talk to her again?” I was so upset that I sunk into a depressive state for three days, non-stop crying, throwing up, and insomnia.

He thought that if he hid that he was talking to her, it would make everything better. It didn’t. Even when I told him that it didn’t make things better, that it made me now not trust him because he was hiding things, he looked me dead in the eye and said, “What we say is private” and my mind, being twisted and horrible in the first place interpreted that as “I don’t trust you enough to be completely open with you in everything I do with her.” And that pissed me off to a whole new level of depression.

I gave up everything, EVERYTHING to prove myself to him. I copied, pasted, took up massive amounts of space on my old computer to save pictures and screen shots, text messages and emails, chat logs, all to ensure that there was nothing that I was doing that was hidden away so he would feel secure. And here he was, telling me that I was worthless and untrustworthy again.

Then came the Big Bang, or as I call it, the BB. She, in an effort to get her boyfriend to agree to let her talk with my fiance again, told the guy that my fiance and her never dated, that they tried to have sex once but because of it being awkward, nothing happened. She then told him that it was MY fault that she and he stopped being friends. She told him I was such a horrible liar that nothing I ever said could ever be believed. And of course, being the male of quality that he is, her boyfriend believed her. So when I freaked out, I had not only my fiance to contend with, but his “friend” and her boyfriend as well.

I was online, and invited to a chat with the three of them, being told that her boyfriend wanted to talk to me to air out any bad feelings and assure me that she had changed from the person she was to a better person who could be trusted. He wanted a private chat. The conversation that ensued was nothing more than being backed into a corner and having someone thrust a knife under your ribs telling you that if you don’t do what they want, they are going to kill you. “Oh, I know everything about you, how you lie, manipulate, and do whatever you can to get what you want. But I’m telling you now, you do anything to cause these two to not be friends anymore and I will hunt you down and kill you in real life, not in the chat rooms.”

I saved the chat, of course. Allowed my fiance to read it because he didn’t believe that was what happened. Saved a copy for the police and contacted the owner of the chat service. Then proceeded to smoke nearly half a pack of cigarettes in under an hour.

My fiance confronted her about it, found out that not only had she lied, but she had taken the information he had trusted her with, and used it to create an enemy against me that would be loyal to her, without her having to sully her hands. He swore her off. Said that he would never talk to her again.

Three months later, she contacts him. Apologizing to him for her actions. Again, my brain said, “She’s sorry for being found out and wants him as her friend again because she’s bored. She’s sorry for revealing her true self, but not for what she’s done.” He told me that he was going to tell her that he forgives her and yadda yadda yadda. Bunch of filler words I knew would never be true.

This time around, she’s being even more careful. But he’s not. He’s a toucher, I know this and accept that he’s very physically affectionate, even with those he has to play nice to. Though to be honest, he hates my dad, and the one time I begged him to just meet the man and give him a chance, he turned away and went somewhere else. Anyways, I know he cuddles her, hugs her, maybe even kisses her on the cheek or forehead (this is cyber wise, not actually physically being done). They spend hours talking with each other, texting and chatting.

All I saw was him opening himself up to be hurt again. In fact, despite our discussion about this new turn of events, I still believe he’s just opening himself up to be hurt, and in turn, allowing me to be dragged into something else all over again. Even though he says he’s not telling her anything important about our life, or his personal life, even the fact that he’s cuddling her is something she can use against not only him, but me. After all, all she needs to do is spread it around that he’s so desperate for affection I can’t provide and once again I’m having to stop chatting with other people and having fun making not-real friends.

The main reason I killed off my main role play character, is because of her. The link to the official death of my character can be read here: http://amandagaia.deviantart.com/journal/Tired-431787524 , but as for the actual stories, you’ll have to wait until I get published for those.

I was being attacked when I went in to role play. Her friends, her allies, would track me down to whatever chat room I was in and claim all these horrible things until I was told that I wasn’t welcome anymore. He spent so much time with her, believed in her fully, that when I freaked out the first time, he didn’t see how he was killing me in giving this woman his trust again.

But we talked. And he said that I needed to realize that he’s so desperate for someone other than me, the kids, and the family to talk to, that he’s been driven to contact her again. Forced to go out and sit in front of a screen while talking about her sex life, her preferences, and cuddle with her while talking about this stuff (a topic that no doubt is chosen by her with the intention of attempting to make him horny so that the final piece of the master puzzle can be completed).

He says he doesn’t trust her, that he’s not telling her anything that could be used against us. And I believe him. He’s not actually typing out his complaints and fears and worries. He’s letting his body do his talking for him, and she’s soaking it up and enjoying herself immensely.

So, the main purpose of this story is for you, the reader, to see that when you’re in a relationship, you have to take everything into account. If you are normally very affectionate, you may need to take a look at what you are doing and decide as to whether it is appropriate for your significant other’s mental and emotional health for you to be affectionate towards others. If you are normally closed off, keep in mind that it will cause suspicion and doubt with anyone you are in a relationship with and will be a large factor in any potential break-up. Relationships are about being open, honest, no closed doors. Actually listen to what your partner has to say and factor in their feelings, not just your own.

If you are like my fiance, confide in your significant other instead of your friends, but also be tactful if your significant other happens to be a suicidal depressant like myself. Right now, I’m so far down the rabbit hole that the only reason I don’t overdose or poison myself is the fact that my kids will be without a mother, and since my fiance and I aren’t legally married any more, they will be taken and placed in foster care until their biological father can be located, and when he is they will be given over to him until the time they turn 18. Since the man abused the kids, put them through hell, I refuse to allow this to happen.

My children, quite literally, are the only reasons I’m still alive to write this.

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Rant: Life and Relationships in general (mine specifically)

You know what really gets to me more than anything else? It’s not an unclean room, it’s not racism (though that is really up there in my pet peeves), it’s laziness.

What grown adult does not know how to take care of themselves and doesn’t have the desire to learn?!

Here is my schedule for any given day to use as an example.

1. Wake up, feed kids if they are awake. If they just woke up, hop on computer really quickly to see if there is any work because as soon as hubby-to-be wakes up, the computer is no longer yours to use.

2. Do whatever jobs are available within the time space of two (2) hours.

3. Cook hubby-to-be’s breakfast while he surfs Reddit.

4. Grab a book and wait for him to get done eating.

5. Clean up entire house (even future father-in-law’s room) making sure to vacuum the carpets and sweep the tile floors. Mop if necessary.

6. Wash clothes.

7. Cook lunch.

8. Feed kids and hubby-to-be, call FFIL to eat.

9. Clean up kitchen and put away any extra food.

10. Grab book and read while huby-to-be plays LoL of continues to serf Reddit/listen or watch YouTube videos.

That’s it. The kids I can understand, but isn’t the purpose of being a helpmate to someone else is to ACTUALLY help them?!! I haven’t been paid in 2 weeks because I haven’t been able to find work during the time frame I’ve been given because now I’m so exhausted at night from being forced to stay up until 2am so he can role play with me I’m sleeping later. My eldest, goddess bless her, has taken it upon herself to help me out and she wakes up with the younger two and feeds them a bowl of cereal each morning I’m sleeping late. I’ve had a perpetual migraine for 3 days because I’m not getting enough sleep (and since I haven’t been paid the groceries are running low so I’m not eating either) and no one seems to care.

FFIL screams about any dishes left in the sink, wants them cleaned up but is too busy playing online poker to stop screaming and actually DO something once in a while. I’m at the end of my ropes. I make enough to help out with the bills here, but I know there’s no way I can support myself let alone my kids AND my fiance.

He hugs me and tells me I’m the most wonderful woman in the world. He tells me that he’s lucky to have me with him and he doesn’t know what he would do if I was not there. Well, for one he’d starve because no matter what I’ve tried to do, he refuses to go into the kitchen and learn how to cook anything that can’t be heated in a microwave (and I don’t keep too many of that stuff around because he refuses to clean up after himself and each morning I will find trash all over the floor in front of the computer from where he just eats and tosses the wrappers on the floor. I don’t want ants and other insects, so I don’t keep too many easily cooked foods around). He refuses to clean!

That has been a huge debate between the two of us. I want the room cleaned, everything put up and away in the places where they belong. He doesn’t feel comfortable in a clean room, says that since he moved around a lot when he was younger, a clean room makes him feel like he’s going to be moving. When I do clean, he freaks out, doesn’t sleep at night, sleeps a few hours during the day and is generally a pain in my ass every time. It’s gotten to the point where half my clothes are put up, the other half is on the floor to the closet and his gaming systems are taking over the floor while I struggle to find some middle ground where we both can be happy. He refuses to clean or help clean.

And then there’s the biggest issue of all. Trust. I feel like I can’t trust him at all. For anyone whose read any of my blogs before, you know that he lied to me about who he was from the very beginning. Made up this entire life and maintained it for the better part of a year. He still talks to his ex-girlfriends, especially to the one who hates me and uses every word he utters about his life being horrible to further her own hate. He refuses to listen to me when I have something to say. It’s gotten to the point that where what little self-confidence I had is down the drain.

I’m more stupid than a child.

I’m so childish I don’t deserve to be treated like an adult.

I never have anything important to say so I might as well not speak at all.

It’s almost like I left one abuser for another! He has his good moments, but I simply can’t trust him. I told him the truth about everything, he was one of the few I first opened up to and while we were 2,000+ miles apart, he was the only one who was supportive of me growing and becoming better. Now that I’m here by his side, I have dreams that depict me having a better life without him and I wake the moment I reach out to him in my dreams. I’m too close to the situation to know if this is my brain trying to tell me something or if it’s my own frustrations showing something better without him because that is what I truly feel at times.

I’m a suicidal depressant. When I’m not busy, I’m thinking of ways to kill myself. When I’m bored, I’m thinking of ways to kill myself. I have to stay active. Yet no one seems to understand. I can’t trust the man I love, I feel as if he’s more abusive than my ex-husband, if not physically then definitely emotionally and mentally. I couldn’t pay the NetFlix bill, so they cut off our access. I got fussed at about that. I have yet to find an agent, I’m told that I’m not working hard enough to find one. I get it from both sides, from both of the other adults that live in this house, but no one wants to help.

I go to bed hurting, physically cramping, each and every night. I struggle to come up with ideas for a role play because hubby-to-be wants to role play with me. It’s gotten to the point where I pretend to be asleep when he turns to me and says “Ok, let’s rp” so that he’ll go back to whatever he’s doing and let me actually sleep.  I’m tired. I’m sick. I’m in pain. And I can’t find any work to take my mind off this bull s$*%.

New Writing Site and other info

So, I have been experimenting with various writing sites since the last time I wrote about taking jobs online for writers. And I have found that there are a lot of sites out there that cater to specific customers that writers can reach whenever they get online to work. What you, as the writer, needs to realize, is that you don’t need area specific articles in order to write really good articles. For example, I live in Arizona, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not qualified to write about the tornado in Texas if I really want to write about it.

How can I do this? Well, it starts by making sure you do your research about the area first. If you know next to nothing about the topic you are writing then you can’t write the article. Google map the area to get a lay out of the area, stores and so forth that are in the area. The next thing you need is to see if you can find someone who lives in that area who will be willing to talk to you about the incident. Barring that, normally a really good writer can use their own personal experiences with a similar situation. For example, I wrote about a tornado that had touched down in a different state than where I lived (for the full story read it here: http://voices.yahoo.com/how-tornados-changed-childrens-feelings-of-12411416.html?cat=2).

As you can see, it was about a tornado, and our experiences, but the main article was meant for someplace other than where we lived at the time. I used my experiences with a hurricane that had landed and caused tornado’s and how my children had reacted to the hurricane and tornado’s.

Now, as to writing sites, writers can do this as long as they are careful and they use either testimony from people who were there and experienced what occurred, or they use their own experiences. This is really easy, unless you write for a company like Zery’s. This writing site has some of the best programs in deterring false articles that I have seen thus far. For example, you are only allowed to write about things that you have knowledge of, you are only given a certain amount of subjects from the knowledge that you have to write about. Also, you get a list every morning to choose from, if you don’t have anything listed in the morning then you have to check the site during the day, roughly every 20 minutes, in order to have work.

There is the ability to advance, provided you receive enough articles as well as a guaranteed paycheck every two (2) weeks provided you have worked during that time frame. It can be as little as $2 or as much as $20. I have had payments of nearly $30 in a matter of two weeks. Also, you get a payment for your articles a week after you start working with the site, as opposed to having to wait for the next scheduled payday. Payment is sent on the first and fifteenth of every month, no exceptions.

If you want to play around with your writing skills, you can go to sites like iWriter or NewsModo or any of the others that promise work so long as you win the “bidding war” on the projects that come up. But that’s not guaranteed paydays. A friend on mine uses one of those sites and she has to work a full time job on top of that, and her husband is working two jobs, because she’s just not making the money needed. However, if she was to turn her efforts to a site like Zery’s or Textbroker, she would find that she would be making double what she normally makes on the site that she uses as well as possibly being able to go from full time “Just Over Broke” to part time.

If you want to hone your writing skills, and become a better writer, as well as get paid for your efforts, go to the good sites. Yahoo Voices, Textbroker, and Zery’s are just a few of the writing sites that I would recommend for writers who want to get paid for their work.

Publication

I finished my first book a couple weeks ago and immediately sent it out to various publishers to be published. I got back a lot of really positive reviews, and several firms told me that they wanted to publish my book…for a fee.

I don’t have that kind of money! I don’t care about fees, I just want my book published. If they wanted to then they could take 50% of the profits from the sales of my book and that would be just fine. I just want the story out there for people so that I can finally say that I’m a PUBLISHED author.

So, my bright idea was to go and try to apply for grants and financial aid. Surprisingly enough, not many places support authors. They are more concerned about artists that deal with a more “pleasant” form of expression, like painting, sculpting, and so on. But, I did get some helpful advice.

“Most publishing firms don’t accept manuscripts from unsolicited authors unless they are represented by an agent.”

My world was blown. An agent? So that would be someone I would have to pay money just to represent my book and present it to a publishing firm that won’t try to take my children as down payment? What the heck is up with that? I guess it kinda makes sense though, there are many authors out there who want to be published, but very few of them have what it takes to put out more than one or two books and they expect to collect royalties from those publications for the rest of their lives. Me? I just have a lot of really good ideas that I have yet to see already in print that I think people would love to read about (I know my college professors loved the short stories I wrote and asked me to keep them up to date about any publications I may have in the future).

For example, I have one in the works called The Princess and the Lion (title is a work in progress). It’s about a young girl who is the daughter of a leader on a far away planet. But, her people believe that there is something wrong with her because she hasn’t yet changed to her animal form. Yes, the book is about shape-shifters. There is political turmoil, kidnappings, murder, spies, and of course a running romance underneath it all. I actually have the first 15 chapters done, but I have been focusing more on getting my role play book typed up and put out.

Yes, I used to be a role player and yes I have written a book about my experiences. But it’s not what you think! The books are completely in the point of view of the characters themselves. My own personal views are no where in the books at all. Well, my past may have influenced how I built up her past to make her into the character she is now…but it’s really not like what you may think a role play book would be about.

The first book, like I said, is done and I’m working on the second book. The first book is relatively short when compared to the length that the other two books in the series is going to be, and the main reason for that is to lay down back story and lead up to the point where the adventure begins. I role played as Mother Nature, and I had such good teachers that I didn’t blow her up like some of the other noob role players would have. I had her cursed, cast from Mount Olympus to live forever alone. However, she figures out that she can inhabit others if they are willing to join their souls with her own. She lives with these individuals, but only a few individuals will do. These people are those who are directly descended from her original followers.

There is a lot of myths that are tied to this book as well, creationism from the viewpoint of the two main religions Science and Christianity, the myth of Christ is in the book as well as the rise and fall of the Roman and Greek empires, but that is only briefly looked at since the second book deals with it more directly. All in all, I was really pleased with how it turned out and can’t wait to (hopefully) find an agent who will help me get published!

On another note, my youngest daughter had her birthday party yesterday, she had a few friends from school show up (mainly just those that RSVP’d) and everyone had a blast! I was so thankful that not only did the family show up to celebrate her birthday, but also that some one outside of the family (several someones) wanted to show up too.

Failure?

Am I really that much of a failure in life that everything I try to do is instantly a flop?

Take for example, my life. From the time I was 3 years old I was sexually, mentally, and emotionally abused. It wasn’t until I was 15 that I was able to break out of that life and start living for myself. But try as I might, I couldn’t save my siblings from being physically and emotionally abused. I couldn’t get Social Services to help me get us out of the house and somewhere safer. Was my fear of something worse overpowering my ability to do right by my siblings? Is my failure the reason why they won’t have anything to do with me?

Then I become an adult. I put myself through high school, ensuring that I got the coveted Diploma in the process. I met my first husband after graduation. During the marriage I was physically and emotionally abused. I thought I could handle it so long as my children, who were born shortly afterward, was not affected. When my eldest child was sexually molested by her half-brother, I left. I went to Texas where a friend of mine said I would be safe. When I got to Texas, he informed me that I couldn’t be there because I treated his Role Play family with disrespect and he didn’t want me around him. So the children and I, aged 6,5, and 1, lived in a shelter.for 8 months. While there I tried to find a job, tried to get us out of the shelter and into a real home. But my ex had the insurance on the car cancelled and our only mode of transportation was taken away because the shelter did not allow any un-insured cars on the property.

It was in Texas that I found my Path. And thinking that my family, the one set of people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, would put aside their Bible-thumping ways and accept me and the kids and help me achieve what I could not in Texas on my own without resources. I was wrong. The moment they found out about me being Wiccan was the moment all hell broke loose on me and my children. During this time I was struggling to keep the relationship I had started with my fiance afloat. I was being accused of cheating, lying, called a bitch and a whore. On top of this I was also having family members threaten to kill me if they ever caught me casting spells on my grandparents, who were housing the children and I at that time.

I had Social Services come in to my life once more because of my grandparents telling them that I was jepordizing my children’s safety with my religious beliefs. I had my uncle tamper with my phone and try to have me arrested by falsely claiming I was stealing his bluetooth capabilities and listening to his phone conversations as well as stealing his wi-fi. I had my grandfather shoving me and threatening to hit me with his fist after I pointed out that his business wasn’t legal and that he shouldn’t be operating until it was. Should I have just kept my mouth shut and saved myself all of this pain? Should I have just submitted to them and saved my children from this heart ache?

Social Services finally told me that the situation I was living in was unsafe for both me and my children. They informed me that I needed to leave. So I came out here with my fiance. The change was amazing at first, his family accepted me as I have never been accepted before. But now I’m facing something different.

He stays on the computer nearly all the time. Complains about how he can’t find a job, but refuses to look and put in applications. I rarely get a chance to work, and when I do work he is over my shoulder constantly telling me how I’m not working efficently. I get paid, all my money goes towards getting him what he wants. I can’t even buy a book of stamps to mail off the divorce papers because he spends it all almost immediately.

His mom is tired of his actions, and tells me that I should not put up with it, but maybe I deserve it. Maybe I did something throughout the course of my life that means I deserve everything that happens.

Weddings

So, I’m getting married next year, haven’t set a date yet we just know it’s going to be next year at some point. And after going out to try on dresses and see which ones would fit the theme that we are wanting to use, I was surprised to find that I found my dress on the first shot. It was perfect and it got me to thinking. Just how much of the wedding proceedings people drag themselves through is actually necessary for a wedding to be a special day?

I know, strange for a bride-to-be to be thinking that she doesn’t deserve everything there is to be offered on her wedding day, but I’m not a “dress-up” kinda woman. While at the bridal shop, there were women there who were so … picky. One girl had a figure to die for, I mean she had the big breasts, round bottom, and skinny figure you normally associate with porn stars rather than a real female. But because her shoulders were a little too wide, she dismissed dress after dress after dress. Finding flaws in every one of them when she looked fantastic. Me on the other hand? I tried on four dresses, liked one, loved the second. Even got it on sale which is awesome, and it came with matching dresses for my daughters to wear. Triple points there!

And then, after finding the dress I was told that I needed to pick out shoes, head gear, and jewelry. I have to decide a venue for the actual wedding, pick an officiant to oversee the ceremony, make up a list of food to be eaten at the reception, flower arrangements, fittings, a host of all these little things that I’m told can be done by someone else and I want to be done by someone else but the stupid OCD person in me is demanding that I do by myself with input from others.

And then I have a stressed out fiance who really has no reason to be stressed at all because he’s not working, not looking for work, spends all his time on the xBox and laptop, making me work on a piece of crap computer so that he can watch his programs in HD. All the time.

I have to work. Keep the house clean, take care of the kids, make sure there’s enough food for meals that I have to cook. On top of that I have to organize the divorce proceedings for that idiot I married the first time around, get things going for that to take place as quickly as possible so I can have his rights terminated and his tail thrown in jail for non-payment of child support over a period of two years (if you’re curious as to how much he owes, multiply $150 by 24) and then make sure that the laundry is done, the trash is picked up, and plan this wedding.

So. After finding the dress I got to thinking. Am I really wanting to go through with a big production? I mean, yeah, for the first time in ever I actually felt pretty when I saw myself in that dress. But I can buy a wedding dress at any point in time and still have the same effect. I don’t need a dress for just one occasion in order to feel special. I feel special every day of the week. I feel special when my fiance holds me in his arms and tells me I’m the most important woman in the world to him. I feel special when he smiles at me and laughs at the pitiful excuse of a joke I may crack. I feel special when we sit together and just talk. I feel special when he compliments the meals I cook. I feel special when we sit outside and look at the stars together. I feel special when I see him holding and cuddling with our children. I feel special every time he looks my way and says that he loves me without any prompting or nudges. Just says it because that’s how he feels and he wants me to know.

Having a big wedding would be nice. My first marriage was done under a plum tree by a Magistrate. My family surrounded me and everyone was happy. This marriage, well, let’s just say we’re doing the ceremony with the Magistrate first because we want to be able to show the courts a united stand when I go to petition for termination of rights and open the doors for him to adopt the kids legally, but his family is wanting the big ceremony. And now that I’ve picked a dress, a theme, and a style, I kinda do too. I just don’t want to have to do everything on my own. This is his wedding as much as it is my own, I want his input. Even if it’s “You better not put me in something frilly or tie a rope around my neck”. I love my fiance. I want him to be happy. Just like he makes me happy.

Wow

It has been a long time since I was able to get on here to do a post, and while I know I have some followers, I do apologize for the long delay. I have been testing out various freelance writing sites and dealing with the day-to-day requirements of being a writer/mom/wife/etc. So, here’s my update on all things Freelance!

First off, if you are a writer, don’t be afraid to put your foot down with a client. They are not always right when it comes to the articles they are requesting. For example. This morning I accepted a job about aid for low-income families needing aid with child care. Now any parent who has needed help knows that there are several places out there that will help you. Some states call it Work First, others call it Aid for Dependent Children, and others call it something entirely different. But there is a nationwide program that not only helps put children in child care so that the parents can work, but also helps supplement their income until they can be established in a job setting. Along with this government program, there are other programs that are there to help low-income parents put their children in childcare so that they can work. One program is the SPAOA, Single Parent Alliance of America. I wrote the article, sent it to the client, only for the client to return it for revision with a nasty note attached.

“There is no government agency that helps low-income families with child care. Sentence structure and grammar is horrible. The SPAOA is a for-profit organization, they don’t help people at all, they sell information. Honestly, there is nothing here that I can use at all.”

Now, if the individual, who is only known as Client ID #2165217 on my favorite site Textbroker, had just asked for a restructuring of the sentences or correct any grammatical error then I would have been fine with the whole revision thing. But for this person to come out and say that there are no government programs to help low-income families at all, well that just irked my tators (pardon the southern expression). So I sent this individual this reply:

“I have lived in 12 different states, and in each state there has been Work First, it is not exclusive to only certain states but is nationwide. The SPAOA is not a for-profit organization. I have had to use them and I can tell you that if it hadn’t been for their help I wouldn’t have been able to get my law degree as well as find housing and a vehicle that was less than 10 years old. Maybe you should do your research instead of kicking mine down. Like I said in the end of the article, a simple search shows what’s available and what’s not. Work First is a nationwide assistance program, used to be called Aid for Dependent Children in some places. I’m canceling the article, I won’t write for someone who doesn’t know anything about what they are wanting. It’s obvious you are a spam requester. “

I thought that would be that. But no. This individual responded to me with this:

“I’ve purchased more than 100 articles on textbroker.com and this is by far the worst article I have received. Go to the SPAOA website and the VERY first line of text says “SPAOA.org is a for profit organization comprised of information, resources, offers from third party affiliates and benefits for Single Parents…..” As for Work First there are various programs by that name and none are an official national program so any statement needs to be more specific. Some of the “Work First” programs only help people find employment , some others help people with disabilities and some also do help with child care. Please do cancel the article, I’d love to have someone else do it.”

So after this, I blacklisted the requester and told them to not contact me ever again. In situations like this, where the client has no experience with dealing with the various programs, and thinks to tell you, the expert on this field, that your knowledge is false, it is ok to put your foot down and refuse the work given.

One great place that allows for this is Zery’s, http://www.zerys.com. With this site, you have a bi-weekly payday, no matter what you have earned in that time frame you will receive the money that you have earned. There is no minimum amount to earn before you get paid, and there are moderators that run the site and look for invalid accounts that might post up jobs for scam purposes. I have had this happen on Zery’s twice, both articles I had written were rejected when the policy of the page is that no article is rejected unless there is clear violations of the order being made. I was contacted by the Zery’s moderators to let me know that those clients were fraudulent accounts and that the rejections would be taken care of. I have only worked with this site for a month, but I can tell you, that this policy is by far the best one I have seen on a writing site and is something that I have been saying all along about writers.

Writers need the chance to grow and learn. They shouldn’t have their works rejected flat out, but instead have it sent for revisions so that they can learn what mistakes they have made and know what to look for in future works.